You Are Not Broken

Photo by -Weng- on flickr.

I’m in kind of a cool position.

Because of this sound thing I do, I get to see people at their worst and at their best.

People show up with all kinds of ack. A million different flavors of stuck and struggle.

Some of it’s big. Some of it’s deep. Some of it’s been around forever.

All of it’s hard.

And that’s usually where I meet people. When they’re right in the middle of the hard.

They knock on my door when the struggle is trying to bust out a sleeper hold on them. Or when they’ve totally been slimed by stuck.

So sometimes people show up scared. Or angry. Or frustrated. Or sad.

The flip side of that – the real gorgeous in all of this – is that I also get to see them when the suck shifts. When they say buhbye to the struggle and they absolutely soar.

But that in-between place? That place where the stuck is still kicking your ass?

Hard. Really, really hard.


This morning I talked to a client who was in tears within the first two minutes of our call.

I could hear the stress in her voice the second she said hello.

She’s dealing with stuck that’s a mix of big stuck, been-around-for-awhile stuck, complicated stuck and hardhardhard stuck.

So of course she was in tears.

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be, given all the hard she has on her plate.

At one point, we started rapping about brokenness.

Feeling fundamentally flawed. In too deep to get out. Too far gone to turn things around.

The fear that this might not help you. Because you’re the one person in the whole world who’s too screwed up for it to help.

The feeling that, at the roots, you’re irreparably damaged.

The feeling that you’re just broken.

I’ve heard this more times than I can count.

If not through words, through that subtle something in someone’s voice. Or their body language. Or that look in their eye.

Not even a bump in the road

The conversation this morning reminded me of why I do this work.

Because one of the things I know to be fundamentally, undeniably, absosmurfly true is that you are not broken.


No matter how shattered you feel. Or how deep into the hard you are. Or how far gone things seem.

There is a part of you that is bigger than all of that. A part of you that’s hanging out at the roots.

That’s the part of you that gets you through the hard. And keeps nudging you to keep moving. Even when you totally don’t feel like it.

Yeah, there’s one part of you that sees the current hard as gigantic.

And to that part it totally is.

But to this other bigger-deeper-root-ey part of you?


It’s not even a bump in the road.

I will not wear woo-woo pants

Without turning into some annoying hippie who wears XL woo-woo pants, I think shifting stuck into awesome ultimately shakes out to one thing:

Remembering who you really are.

Remembering the part of you that’s bigger than the suck.

The part that’s so totally rooted that nothing can really cause a stir.

And, even better, remembering the part of you that is absolutely gorgeous.

So on-fire-hawt that nothing that can break the hawtness.

It’s there. In you. In everyone.

For real. No exceptions.

And that’s where you find the mojo to not only kick suck to the curb, but to fill your life with exactly the kind of fabulousness you want and need.

I have seen it happen more times than I can count.

People showing up feeling broken. And leaving double-dipped in hawtness, totally ready to rock.

What it’s really about

On the surface I bang drums and gong gongs and whack singing bowls for a living.

But, really, the stuff I do helps people to remember who they are. To say sayonara to the story that says they’re broken.

It’s like an aural reminder of the awesome.

Because that’s where the gorgeous is.

That’s where the delicious and the shazam! and the soaring is.

And I’m all about the soaring.


This is me saying…

You are not broken.
You cannot be broken.
You will not be broken.


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20 Responses to You Are Not Broken
  1. Mary
    May 27, 2010 | 9:41 am

    not broken- evah. gotcha. but i will take a double dip cone full of hawtness!!

    i so needed to hear these funny and truthful words today. it helped me let go a bit of ack that I had been secretly gardening.


  2. misty/skaja
    May 27, 2010 | 9:45 am

    oh, i so need this today.
    .-= misty/skaja´s last blog myself a memory that’s impossible to forget =-.

  3. Christine (Blisschick) Reed
    May 27, 2010 | 10:00 am

    Yep, we do the same work. 🙂

    I say that I dance people back to their essential selves.

    I help them to remember, because, THANK the GODS, I remembered. It took until my 40th year and a friend’s wedding and the dancing that I did there for the first time in too long, but I REMEMBERED.

    I was one of the people who would have told you I was broken. And maybe I was, but dancing and music and giving in to all that beauty and truth pieced me back together again…way better than all the king’s horses and all the king’s men ever could have.
    .-= Christine (Blisschick) Reed´s last blog ..The Fire Starter Sessions & My Inner Hawk =-.

  4. Jessica
    May 27, 2010 | 10:17 am

    First can I just say how much I love this line? “Without turning into some annoying hippie who wears XL woo-woo pants . . .”. That is awesome.

    Second, I love this post. Even if we feel like we’re falling apart at the seams the real truth is that we’re just fine. And the falling apart feeling is just a neon sign telling us that something needs to shift in our lives so we can feel whole again.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..I love a good challenge =-.

  5. Suzanne
    May 27, 2010 | 10:22 am

    Duudde! Cant even tell you how ingrained the “broken” word is in me!
    Your words and kindness nudge me a bit more to believing maybe I am not totally broken, cuz there are bits that look pretty cool even without the part that broke off!

    Thank you for your very crazy silly and totally rawking way that brings us all back to our core and…that little light deep inside that is me, hawt rawking me!

  6. Erica
    May 27, 2010 | 10:47 am

    This is the kind of post that sits with you for awhile; settling in, waiting for your weak spot to reveal itself.

    And when it does, these words will rise to greet them.

    Thank you for this.

  7. Joely Black
    May 27, 2010 | 11:38 am

    Very true. Oddly, even though I’ve been ill for a while, dealing with just that very deep, horrible stuff, one of the first things that changed was a sense that I was OK deep down. It’s like having a rock inside you to rest on, even when you’re feeling really low.
    .-= Joely Black´s last blog ..P 1.3.7: Shame =-.

  8. Koren Motekaitis
    May 27, 2010 | 11:54 am


    Once again you touched my heart and spoke to me and so many others. When we are in such despair it is hard to see the way out. This reminds me of the saying “If you are troubled, stand with me for I am not.” Fabeku thank you for the work you do in this world. You can help others out of the dark abyss and show people the way out through the portals.



  9. Liz
    May 27, 2010 | 11:55 am

    ‘the stuff I do helps people remember who they are.’ That’s the best any of us can ever do. And it is enough, because we are all enough. Thanks for this lovely reminder!

  10. Emma
    May 27, 2010 | 12:16 pm

    Excellent post! =)
    .-= Emma´s last blog ..Inspiration: Robert Cannon =-.

  11. Lucy Viret
    May 27, 2010 | 1:13 pm

    Oh man. I so totally needed to read this post today. I have been trying to be productive and I keep on getting tripped up by the sick and the stuck and yet somehow I keep on going.

    To be reminded that I am really not permanently broken is a real gift today. Thank you.
    .-= Lucy Viret´s last blog ..How not to write a blog. =-.

  12. Kelly Parkinson
    May 27, 2010 | 2:10 pm

    It made me feel sad to read this. Why do things that make me feel better first make me feel so sad? Thank you for writing this. I needed a reminder.
    .-= Kelly Parkinson´s last blog ..In memory of your birthday, which I forgot =-.

  13. Leila
    May 27, 2010 | 2:24 pm

    Word upppp!LOVE IT!
    I say this to myself, to the universe, to my friends, to my future potential clients, to my little self. You are not broken. Your beautiful essence is still there – whether or not it feels like it has been smothered, repressed or lost for far too long. Love it sweetie! Wonderbaaa!
    .-= Leila @SunflowerLeila´s last blog ..Developing trust – in small bited sized portions =-.

  14. Josiane
    May 27, 2010 | 10:57 pm

    I am not broken. Yes. I can feel it now, as I’m slowly moving out of some stucknesses, and that feels good.
    .-= Josiane´s last blog ..Movement =-.

  15. Sinclair
    May 28, 2010 | 12:33 am

    Well, well said. It’s ALL about remembering who you are – and we’re lucky SOB’s to be there for others in that moment of recognition and reclaiming. Rock on, brother.

  16. Inge
    May 28, 2010 | 5:24 am

    Word indeed. Powerful!

    Also: you said smurf. Love!

  17. Dave
    May 28, 2010 | 8:47 am

    Great post!

    I love the distinction between what you do on the surface–bang drums and gong gongs and whack singing bowls–and what you are really doing–helping people remember who they are.

    That’s the real difference between Woo Woo and Not-Woo Woo. Not-Woo Woo is when you’re grounded in what you do and working with deep truths.
    .-= Dave´s last blog ..The Rarest Angels =-.

  18. Fabeku
    June 10, 2010 | 10:07 am

    @Mary – One double dip of hawtness comin’ right up! And I’m glad you were able to let go of some ack. Big yays!

    @Misty – Awesome! I love it when the timing seems like to line up just right.

    @Christine – Right on! We totally do the same work.

    Dance has so much big mojo. It’s like sound. It sneaks past all the parts that feel broken and show you the parts that are bigger than all of that.

    And major yays for remembering. And for helping other people to do the same.

    @Jessica – Yay for not wearing woo-woo pants!

    And I think you’re right about the neon sign thing. I’m pretty sure that feeling broken is never a sign that we’re broken. It’s a sign that there’s some story that says we are.

    Fortunately stories are infinitely shiftable. Once we get that, we can ditch an unhelpful story for one that’s way more gorgeous.

    @Suzanne – I hear you about the ingrained brokenness bit. I hauled that big pile of suck around for a long time. And I have met about a billion other people that have done the same thing.

    I think that’s why I feel so strongly about this stuff. Because it’s one of the most sucktastic stories ever. And when we drop that, crazy fabulous stuff happens.

    And not only are you not totally broken, you’re not even a i>little broken. For real.

    @Erica – The image of the words rising to meet the weak spots? Gorgeous. Thanks you.

    @Joely – A rock inside of you! Yes! That’s it! That’s what the bigger-than-all-of-this thing feels like to me. Perfect!

    @Koren – And your words touched me a lot. Quiet, grateful, clear thanks.

    @Liz – We are all enough. Rawk!

    @Emma – Thanks!

    @Lucy – You are totally not permanently broken. Or temporarily broken. You actually amaze me in all kinds of ways by how clearly awesome you are.

    @Kelly – Good question. I think sometimes things like this touch the bruised parts of ourselves that get this, but haven’t quiet caught up to it yet. We feel the gap. Which is hopefully closing bit by bit.

    @Leila – Your beautiful essence is still there. Yes, yes, yes. You get it. Totally.

    @Josiane – Right on! And yay!

    @Sinclair – I totally agree. It’s such a gorgeous thing to see someone recognize themselves in all their awesome. Coolest. Thing. Ever.

    @Inge – Smurf lurve! I hear those little blue peeps.

    @Dave – Being grounded really does make a difference, doesn’t it? And knowing what you’re really doing, beyond the surface stuff, is the thing that carries you day to day. It’s like the secret nugget of awesome that feeds everything else. Good schtuff.

    Thanks for all of your gorgeous comments people. I appreciate you all wildly.

  19. Barb Black
    June 14, 2010 | 10:25 am

    Beautiful. I’ve been stuck, and I’ve been better. Better is better. Way better!
    .-= Barb Black´s last blog ..Chimera =-.

  20. Fabeku
    June 21, 2010 | 10:51 am

    @Barb – Better really is better, isn’t it? Here’s to tons of better all around!

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