Just Showing Up

I’m not sure this post has a point.

And I’m pretty sure that I don’t have anything brilliant to say.

But I’m here.

I’m showing up.

And maybe that’s enough today.


Hard schtuff

So it’s been a hard week. Really hard.

I’m not totally ready to talk about it yet. But one of our furry friends has something going on. It could be a big something. Or not.

But right now I’m kind of freaked about the whole thing.

And by kind of freaked I mean spent-my-entire-Tuesday-on-the-couch-with-red-swollen-tear-ey-eyes.

I still felt pretty chewed up yesterday too.

Better than Tuesday. But still gnawed on.

So the idea of trying to wrangle a blog post seemed like a serious stretch.

I was planning to write about that one thing. But I just couldn’t get into it. Not even a little.

And if I can’t serve up something helpful or interesting or at least something with a point, then I should probably just sit this one out, right?


Do you smell that?

Wait.

What’s that smell?

Oh, right.

I know this one.

It’s that perfectionism thing again.

That loudmouthed asshat that says if I’m not able to rock it at 100% then I just shouldn’t bother. That good isn’t good enough. That anything less than brilliant is a failure.

Yeah, I know this one.

I know it because I’ve hung out with this aforementioned asshat forever. I’ve listened to him rattle on and on and on. I’ve let him bench me more times than I can count.

But I’m totally working on telling perfectionism to suck it.

And I have the world’s best life coach and a super secret team of superheroes on my side.

So I’m not sitting on the bench today.

I’m here. I’m writing. I’m showing up.


To the roots Jeeves!

Here’s the thing I’ve noticed about all the hard this week.

It makes me reach for the roots.

For the stuff that’s there.

The crazy reliable stuff that’s always there.

The stuff that shores up my foundation when I feel all wobbly-pants.

The hard gives me a chance to hang out with the stuff that really feeds me. To remember and appreciate the places where I find support.

(And I totally don’t mean that in a be-grateful-for-your-challenges-because-they’re-reeeeeally-opportunities-in-disguise way. Because oof. That’s annoying.)


I hold these truths to be self-evident

So here’s the stuff I’ve been reminded of this week.

When I drum, I feel better. Always.

Chanting brings me back to me. Every single time. It’s like magic.

Sometimes a hug and a simple I’m-sorry-about-the-hard can be the best thing ever.

Punk rock makes scary stuff way less scary.

I Believe In Miracles is one of my favorite songs ever.

I still think that saying eff the odds makes the most sense.

It’s totally ok to create a gap when you need one.

People who say online friends aren’t real friends must not know the same people I know.

And, sometimes, just showing up is enough.


Look Ma! No brilliance!

I’m 499 words into this thing. And there’s no brilliance in sight.

And I’m ok with that.

Today it’s just about showing up.

And remembering root-ey goodness.

And not letting perfectionism win.

So here I am.

*deep breath*


Two (totally unbrilliant) questions

What stuff hangs out at your roots?

Where do you find some shore-up-your-foundation sort of support when you need it?

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23 Responses to Just Showing Up
  1. Victoria Brouhard
    April 15, 2010 | 3:45 pm

    I’m so with you on the furry-friend hard – we’ve got some of that happening, too. I’m so sorry.

    What hangs out at my roots?

    That connecting with myself always brings perspective.

    And that people appreciate someone being real more than I think they will, so it’s better to just let it out.

    Where do I find support?

    I’m getting better at looking within. But I must know the same online friends you do, because that’s where most of my real friends are.

    Hugs to you, my friend. So glad you showed up today. 🙂
    .-= Victoria Brouhard´s last blog ..The Shmorian Thing-Finding Methodology =-.

  2. Jess
    April 15, 2010 | 3:46 pm

    ROCK! You totally did. Showing up like this does equal ROCKING. Full out. Loved it, love you, and I’m sending lots of love to you and your whole household, furry friends most especially!

  3. Julia
    April 15, 2010 | 3:57 pm

    Uh, it’s all brilliance. And sorry about the hard ((hugs)). Music is at my roots too. And great people like you.
    .-= Julia´s last blog ..Things Get Better =-.

  4. Briana
    April 15, 2010 | 4:06 pm

    Oh, Fabeku – thinking of you and your furry friend.

    And thank you, thank you for the phrase ‘reach for the roots.’ It has a real ring to it. (Of course it does, that’s why you’re the sound ninja.) I’m putting it up somewhere, for sure. Somewhere I tend to come untethered.

    Unpopular or childish as this might be, my mom is one helluva root for me. So is reaching out in general, even though it’s usually the last thing I want to do when I’m feeling freaked. And journaling is very shore-up-the-whatever foundational for me.

    Love for you, thanks for being here today.
    .-= Briana´s last blog ..Buckling up and riding the tide =-.

  5. Molly Gordon, Self-Employment Coach
    April 15, 2010 | 4:22 pm

    Oh, Fabeku!

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing from what I hear feels like brokenness (or at least cracked-ness) but what eels to me like a cool drink of water in the midst of a dry spell.

    You asked:

    <strong?What stuff hangs out at your roots?
    God. And I say that even though I no longer have any idea what that means. Or my idea is that God is huger and more immanent than I can fathom. And even though God can feel like a distant otherness or, on a real bad day, a cruel joke.

    And still, at root, that’s where my trust is. And where healing is when I surrender.

    Where do you find some shore-up-your-foundation sort of support when you need it?
    Prayer always works. See above.

    My Brain Trust buddies, @jenlouden, @boxofcrayons, @markheartofbiz, @ericklein.

    My clients and students. Always.

    Sunshine. Gardening. Which mostly means weeding, and there are always enough weeds.

    Biking really really hard on my trainer or outside.

    I love you, my friend.
    .-= Molly Gordon, Self-Employment Coach´s last blog ..Do you ever get cranky? The high cost of pooh-poohing the success industry =-.

  6. Wulfie
    April 15, 2010 | 4:23 pm

    Fab,
    So sorry for the hard. Hugs.

    Thank you for showing up as who you are. It’s great to see and feel you.

    What’s at my roots? Moon and star lit explorations of what’s inside my mind and heart. Breathing. One-minute-at-a-time.

    What shores me up? A cast of invisible people, rocks, trees, birds, the wind hooooing through the alley outside my office. The music that takes me where I need to be. Drawing. Writing. Making real connections.
    .-= Wulfie´s last blog ..My First Very Personal Ad =-.

  7. Danielle
    April 15, 2010 | 4:27 pm

    So sorry about the hard! Our furry friends make life so much less sucky and when something goes wrong … it’s like an extra pile of suck. 🙁

    Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.

    Danielle

  8. Liz
    April 15, 2010 | 4:34 pm

    Hugs for the furry friend hard stuff… and thanks for showing up anyway.

  9. Josiane
    April 15, 2010 | 4:36 pm

    Big {hugs} to you, Fabeku. I’m sorry you’re dealing with hard stuff right now.
    Thank you for showing up, and for simply making this about showing up. The reminder that showing up is enough is one I need often, and it’s really appropriate today.
    .-= Josiane´s last blog ..Middle of the night musings =-.

  10. David Cohen
    April 15, 2010 | 5:07 pm

    Well I’m glad you showed up today! I’ve been going through a lot of getting to my roots lately. I’ve been rooting around trying to surface a little more of my own flavor of authentic. I’ve walked around in a business-y way for along time, but that’s a partial picture. I’ve got this other bit – a very whimsical bit. A silly and sentimental bit that finds a much easier outlet in my drawings. For a while they were kept corralled away from my business presence, but I’m heading in a direction where they are coming together. It’s a little scary to put your silly out for the world to see.

    I’m glad you showed up today because I admire the approach you have – bringing together your talents and passions and humor (and silly) and letting them flow. It’s rare and it’s cool, and I dig it. So thank you.
    .-= David Cohen´s last blog ..Untitled =-.

  11. Katie Schroth
    April 15, 2010 | 5:08 pm

    Fabeku,

    I am so sorry to hear of the hard you are experiencing. Good thoughts for you and your furry friend.

    When I need more support, I find it in silence. Ah, but is it silence? I go sit outdoors. Feel the sun warming me. Feel the breezes moving around me. Listen to the sounds . Not all of them are natural. Sometimes the sounds are people, vehicles, life being lived. Yet there is a restorative quality to them.

    Sometimes it’s not silence. It’s music. I will go through a period where I simply can’t get enough of one piece of music. There is some mysterious mojo there that simply speaks to me.

    And I have a dear friend that I made through work. She is incredible. She is absolutely one of the world’s greatest listeners. Not advice giver. Not someone who says everything will be fine. She is much more. She has the incredible ability to simply listen and somehow, without words, radiate support. She absolutely shores me up in ways I can never explain.

  12. chris zydel
    April 15, 2010 | 5:18 pm

    Fabeku

    I’m so sorry for your grief and raw heartedness right now, my dear, dear friend.

    I so appreciate, as always, your realness and your heart and your willingness to just show up. That is so much MORE than enough … and your reminder that we are always, always supported by the great mystery at the roots of our being.

    And even though that is totally true… things sometimes just suck );

    Sending lots of prayers and love and angel refueling stations for you and your furry family member.

    Love,
    Chris

  13. Dave
    April 15, 2010 | 6:25 pm

    Hey Fabeku,

    I’m really sorry for the all the hard you’re going through. Sending lots of love and support to you and your furry friend.

    Thanks for the post, too. Showing up doesn’t need to be accompanied by any extra brilliance–the brilliance is right there in the act.

    Loved what you said about reaching for the roots. For me it’s my little boys. I imagine one wrapped around each leg, faces beaming up at me and I could move through anything.

    Big thanks for showing up,

    Cheers,
    Dave
    .-= Dave´s last blog ..6 Impossible Things: #5 Dream Boat =-.

  14. susan
    April 15, 2010 | 8:19 pm

    Fabeku; I don’t got no big brilliance to give you.. if you can remember that we all have the connection to the biggest part of our being which is our Soul.. so am sending a big warm chocolaty unlimited love hug from my soul to yours..

  15. Julie Stuart
    April 15, 2010 | 8:48 pm

    Aw sweetie, I’m so sorry about your fur baby. It’s so hard when when our wee friends are vulnerable. I’m right there with ya about the weepy eyes.

    And I know the perfectionist thing too. I fight against it as well. Sometimes I win. Sometimes it wins. And somedays, like today, it is a win just showing up. Congrats!
    .-= Julie Stuart´s last blog ..The Eggs of Possibility =-.

  16. chicsinger simone
    April 15, 2010 | 9:05 pm

    Love and hugs to you and your furry friend! Thanks for showing up and being brilliant despite your asshat monsters! xxoo + hugs in excelsis!

  17. Nona
    April 16, 2010 | 2:20 am

    I’m so glad you show up – it’s absolutely perfect, just the way it is.

    Sending healing thoughts for your furry one.

    xoxo.
    .-= Nona´s last blog ..Celebrating Success as an Entrepreneur =-.

  18. Deborah Weber
    April 16, 2010 | 7:36 am

    So sorry for the hard Fabeku – and sending lots of love and good energy for your dear friend! And as always a wonderful post. These past couple of days I’ve been shoring up what feels like a bit of shakiness to my foundation with long walks communing with the myriad of Spring-blossoming trees. I can’t help but return to a state of hope and wonder when I see them. And I have to say that Amy Steinberg’s Exactly Where I Need to Be is on constant play around here right now.
    .-= Deborah Weber´s last blog ..Energy Broadcast 2-22-2010 =-.

  19. Joan Rowlands
    April 16, 2010 | 11:31 am

    Sending a rainbow to wrap around you and the furry friends – always yucky when they aren’t well.
    big hugs

  20. Fabeku
    April 16, 2010 | 2:22 pm

    Hey taters!

    Wow.

    So. Much. Awesome. Here.

    You guys always blow me away with all the good schtuff you drop in your comments.

    Thanks to all of you for the good vibes for me and my furry pal. I totally appreciate that so so so much.

    @Victoria – Sorry to hear about your furry friend hardness. Good vibes for you + furry pal too.

    I love what you said about people appreciating it when someone’s real. I think you’re 100% right on. It’s so true. So easy to forget. And so awesome when we remember.

    @Jess – Aw, thanks. That’s super kind of you to say.

    @Julia – That made me smile lots. Thanks.

    @Briana – I’m glad reach for the roots had some mojo for you. There are days where I wish I had it tattooed across my hand. Or something.

    And I don’t think it’s even a little unpopular or childish for your mom to be a source of root-ey goodness for you. I actually think that’s all kinds of awesome!

    @Molly – A drink of cool water… thank you.

    And what you said about God? That strikes a chord for me too. Especially the huger and more immanent than I can fathom part.

    And prayer and buddies and clients and students and gardening and exercises…. all delicious!

    And big love back to you my sweet friend.

    @Wulfie – Moon and star lit explorations of what’s inside my mind and heart.

    That’s pure gorgeousness there.

    @Danielle – You totally get it. Thank you.

    @Liz – Thanks for the hugs. Appreciated. And back atcha.

    @Josiane – I’m happy to hear the post was helpful. I pressed publish wondering if it was too self-indulgent. Or pointless. Or whatever. So I’m glad there was some nugget of helpfulness there for you. Thanks for saying so.

    @David – I hear you. It can be a real trip being ok with letting that flavor out, can’t it? Especially when there’s other stuff piled on top of it.

    Your. Drawings. Rock.

    They make me happy. Immediately. There’s so much good mojo there. And it’s contagious. Which is awesome!

    @Katie – I can feel how good that going-outside-and-listening-to-music is for you. Yay!

    And having someone who really listens? One of the best gifts ever, I think.

    @Chris – Angel refueling stations! Yay!

    And your things-sometimes-just-suck thing gave me a big jiggly belly laugh. Which was awesome. Thanks.

    @Dave – I really dig the idea of the brilliance being there in the act itself. Good schtuff!

    I also love the image of your two boys squeezing your legs, beam-ey faces and all. So so cool.

    @Susan – A chocolaty unlimited love hug? Yay! Thank you.

    @Julie – I’m pretty sure that we’ll win in the end. We’re way bigger than this perfectionist stuff. And way more awesome too, I think. 🙂

    @Simone – Hugs in excelsis! That may be my new favorite phrase. Can I borrow it? Please?

    @Nona – Thank you so so much.

    @Deborah – Sorry to hear about the shakiness there. I’m glad the gorgeousness of Spring-ey goodness has been helping. Thanks for the nod to Amy Steinberg too. I’ll check her stuff out!

    @Joan – Thank you. I’ll totally take the rainbow-sent-with-much-awesome.

  21. Kari
    April 16, 2010 | 4:27 pm

    Dear Fabeku, I’m sorry to hear it’s been hard for you lately. I hope your furry friend feels better soon- furry friends make as good friends as non furry ones don’t they? I agree very much on the perfectionist thing- a wise young c.19th century English poet once wrote that he didn’t believe in “perfectability”- that didn’t mean he didn’t believe that one should strive to know oneself or to do good – far from it- he aimed for that too. I think the pressures to be “perfect” in both the spiritual and what I call the ordinary side of life can be immense.I felt relieved when I read about this “perfectability” thing- it lightened the load for me a lot. I do not have to be perfect! Hooray! So his poems and letters do it for me.Also, Chopin, Sigur Ros, the birds singing, Spring flowers,my totems/guides and allies, the Sun, animals, coffee, writing letters, sleeping, trees and of course your inspirational blogs and your yahoo list!
    Best wishes to you and the furry sweetie Fabeku.

  22. Tracy
    April 16, 2010 | 4:41 pm

    Best wishes to you and your furry beloved ones. I have several of those, too, and I say constant little prayers of gratitude for every moment that they are safe and healthy and happy.

    Things that help to ground me when I start to float away: Singing. Movement, especially walking. Connecting with the aforementioned furry creatures. Connecting with my partner. Making a piece of artwork, even a little bitty 10-minute one. And writing (in a journal or to a friend), which always brings new insight even when I’m sure it will be a waste of time because I already “know” what’s going on.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Retrospective: Transformed by Touch =-.

  23. elizabeth
    April 19, 2010 | 12:20 am

    I have had a few such moments with my own furry one. Hard all around. I am so so so sorry for the hard. I am sending you the hugest virtual hug ever – for you and for the furry one.

    When people say that online friends aren’t real friends, I always wish they knew mine. Real feelings, real friends, no matter where they are.

    The things that help ground me: meditation, reiki, nature, the pup (which is why it’s harder all around when something goes wrong with him), and reaching out (which I am not so good at doing).
    .-= elizabeth´s last blog ..giveaway winners =-.

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