Go Big. Or Not.

Have you noticed how the interwebs are all ablaze with messages of moreness?

Go big!
Go faster!
Take the leap!
Snag the spotlight!
Be a superstar!
Get famous!
Land yourself on the A-list!

It all comes down to the same thing.

Pushpushpush. Gogogo. Moremoremore.

‘Round and ‘round it goes

There’s no sign of the pushpushpush slowing down anytime soon.

Every day there’s another blog post or tweet or course or e-book or fill-in-the-blank telling you how to be big huge GINORMOUS.

Which is great if that’s your thing.

And, if it is, rock on.

I’m not knocking the idea of going big. And I’m not against taking leaps.

Not even a little.

My life has been very leap-ey. And I dig and appreciate that.

I also have clients who come to me that are ready to rocket launch.

And that’s exactly what I help them to do.

Cheating spineless lamer poseur

But what I think really sucks is the subtle (or not) implication that if you’re not going big that you’re fucking up.

That you’re cheating yourself. Or your audience. Or the world.

That you’re a lamer. Or, even more craptastic, a poseur.

That, somehow, if you’re not taking epic leaps every single day then you’re just a spineless looooooooooooooser.

So you basically deserve what you get. Which will probably be nothing. Because you suck.

So it’s not that I’m against going big.

I just think that acting like that’s the only option that matters is bullshit.

When leaping feels impossible

I work with clients every day who are scared out of their skulls and struggling like crazy.

People who are in pain.

And, despite that, they still hold on to hope.

Hope that they can get back to doing what they love.

Hope that they can get back to who they used to be.

Hope that when they get their thing out there in the world that there will be people who need it and want it and love it.

But right now they feel so far away from where they want to be that the idea of taking a leap seems insane.

Even thinking about taking one teeny tiny baby step is a stretch.

But somehow they do.

Deep breath. Inching forward. One foot in front of the other.

And that inching forward?

It’s ok. It matters. It’s worth something.

It can also be healing and extraordinary and life changing for someone.

She rocked that piano

Like my client who couldn’t look at, much less play, the piano for years after getting hit in the gut with criticism that came from someone she admired like crazy.

After our first session, she was able to pull out the piano bench and think about maybe sitting on it again someday.

After the third session, she sat on it.

She held her breath the whole time and didn’t move a muscle. But she sat on that bench.

A few months later, after the fourth session, she played.

She played!

For an hour. Non-stop. With tears running down her face and all over the keys.

Not even close to sucking

Then there’s my client who has this business thing she’s wanted to do since forever.

But she grew up hearing how much she sucked. And how dumb she was. And how she had better marry rich. Because she’d never make it on her own.

The first few times we talked? She couldn’t even tell me what her thing was.

Because she thought I’d think it sucked.

After a couple sessions, she gave me a tiny peek at it.

It’s brilliant. And she’s brilliant.

And now she’s inching closer to believing that she might actually be able to do this.

And that there are people out there who will love this thing up like crazy.

She’s not ready to go big. Or take a leap. Or stand in any spotlight.

But after almost giving up on this thing altogether, she’s moving forward.

You pick

So maybe we need to redefine big.

Because when someone’s been living with the kind of hurt that makes hope an endangered species, baby steps can be epic.

Playing the piano. Believing in your thing. Being willing to trust someone again. Letting go of the stories you’ve lugged around forever.

All of this is huge.

Even if it doesn’t look that way on the outside.

But that’s really the point of all this.

You have the right to define big for yourself.

You get to decide what’s epic in your world.

Because sometimes just being alive is an act of courage.

And what you’re doing right now is enough.

Photo credit – kevinthoule

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47 Responses to Go Big. Or Not.
  1. Linnea
    August 19, 2010 | 10:06 am

    Would say something meaningful, but I kind of can’t see the keyboard right now. This is remarkable, and so important to put out there.
    .-= Linnea´s last blog ..To love oneself Wishcasting Wednesday =-.

  2. Oh Fab-Man!

    SO good. SO true. I’ve got a friend in mind I will forward this to. Not to mention hanging onto it myself.

    I don’t WANT to speak in front of large groups. I’m an introvert (who does extroversion extremely well). AND I’d rather spend LESS than work MORE.

    You’ve nailed it.

    Mwah…neighbor,

    K.

  3. jamie
    August 19, 2010 | 10:12 am

    YES, my friend!! This brought tears to my eyes. So often I work with people who are in that emergence time too, that brave, brave space where just starting to admit who you are and what you want is ginormous.

    It is deeply empowering to define big for yourself. And it is respectful and loving, to let others do so for themselves.

    Thank you for sharing your loving wisdom.

  4. Christina
    August 19, 2010 | 10:41 am

    I completely love this and sooo needed to hear it, thank you! I’ve been overwhelmed by pushpushpush lately and all it’s gotten me is stuck and kinda depressed. Which is not where I want to be at all… but I keep pushing harder, as if that’ll make it better, even though I know it won’t.

    Taking a deep breath, reminding myself that I am enough, and focusing on the little steps that are actually big for me…
    .-= Christina´s last blog ..Jul 6- Positive self talk- What it really is and how to make it work for you =-.

  5. Athena Burke
    August 19, 2010 | 10:42 am

    There is such tenderness in this. Feeling this kind of understanding and support is priceless. Thanks for this today. You are a gift!

  6. Fabeku
    August 19, 2010 | 10:48 am

    @Linnea – Aw, thanks you. I’m glad it struck a chord. This stuff has been percolating for a few days in my head.

    @Kelly – I love that you’re totally clear on what you want. That rocks!

    And I think that’s where some people get tripped up – not being sure what they want. Which I get. Because it can take a second to sort it out.

    And when you’re in the sorting-it-out process it can be way easier to get tangled up in the tug-of-war of what everyone else thinks you should be doing. Which, of course, is ouch-ey and blergh-ey.

    So yay you!

    @Jamie – That brave, brave space. Right on. Because it totally is.

    And double right on for everyone being able to define big in their own way.

    I love when people find what’s big for them. It could be standing-in-the-spotlight big or doing-your-thing-quietly big. It’s all good.

    @Christina – Sorry about the stuck + depressed. That’s a hard place.

    Yay for deep breaths and refocusing and little steps! Go you!

    I also totally agree about how the pushpushpush thing can just create piles of suck sometimes.

    For me that happens when I’m pushing for something that I’m not totally into. There’s the part of me that feels like I should be into it. And there’s the part of me that’s totally not. So I just end up stuck and in a funk.

    @Athena – Big thanks. I appreciate that muches.

  7. Chris Anthony
    August 19, 2010 | 11:09 am

    Very well said, sir. Thank you for this.
    .-= Chris Anthony´s last blog ..Everyday Delight 8 – First Day of School Edition =-.

  8. Christine (Blisschick) Reed
    August 19, 2010 | 11:19 am

    Perfect.

    I was HUGE HUGE HUGE when I went to my YogaDance teacher training for the first week. It may have seemed like an everyday sort of thing to many people, but just GETTING there was GINORMOUS for me.

    And now I teach and live yoga and dance and the many mixe-y, beautiful messes of the two combined.

    But there was still this thing…a thing like that piano bench.

    And finally, because I returned to dance and found my courage was not as withered as I had supposed, FINALLY, I SANG.

    Not just for me but in front of another person. Yes, it was “just” my partner, but my nerves were so horrible I cried. I kept at it anyway.

    I think when most people out there (outside this wonderful, safe space you have here) say “BIG,” what they really mean is FAMOUS.

    That is the ultimate annoying.
    .-= Christine (Blisschick) Reed´s last blog ..Trying Too Hard with a Little Side of the Reality of Injury =-.

  9. Christine Martell
    August 19, 2010 | 11:23 am

    YES to redefining big!
    .-= Christine Martell´s last blog ..Adjusting images for Africa =-.

  10. Sandra Walter
    August 19, 2010 | 11:32 am

    Right ON! I just wrote a “You are not your fears” post this week about this same topic. I think the collective is getting irritated by the go big or go home mentality.

    Thank goodness. On to the new!
    .-= Sandra Walter´s last blog ..You are not your fears =-.

  11. LaVonne Ellis
    August 19, 2010 | 11:35 am

    OMG, thank you for this. I really needed it right now, because I didn’t realize that what’s been making me feel so bad about myself lately is all the promotional stuff I’ve been reading and hearing. I’ve been comparing myself to people I don’t even want to be like and feeling exactly the way you describe: like a loser. I had completely forgotten my original goal, to keep it small and stress-free. Back on track now, thanks to you! 🙂
    .-= LaVonne Ellis´s last blog ..Interview- Tim Gary- Mindcuecom =-.

  12. Starla J. King
    August 19, 2010 | 11:57 am

    just…omg.. YES! thank you!
    .-= Starla J. King´s last blog ..Face-to-Face =-.

  13. Liz
    August 19, 2010 | 12:03 pm

    Back when I was a brand-new runner, my favorite part of Runner’s World was a column by John ‘The Penguin’ Bingham. The tagline “The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start” could bring me to tears regularly.

    This post reminds me of how courage and compassion are so connected.

    You offer a much-needed antidote to all the ‘go big’ hoopla out there. So thanks.
    .-= Liz´s last blog ..Registration is open! =-.

  14. Scott McDowell
    August 19, 2010 | 12:24 pm

    Really poignant post, so very very true. The froth generated by speed and GO and MORE is sometimes transcendental but sometimes it’s just … froth!
    .-= Scott McDowell´s last blog ..Small Actions Change the World- Too =-.

  15. kimatsprig
    August 19, 2010 | 12:28 pm

    Thank you for this post, it totally resonates. My mantra these days has been: Life is a journey, explore the frontiers… but everyone’s frontiers are different, sometimes it is taking that tiny step and then the next one. And all of those tiny steps lead to something incredible in your life.

    Go small, go big… just go.

  16. Patty K
    August 19, 2010 | 12:35 pm

    What’s been overwhelming me lately is the whole *speed* thing: “go faster, go right now, time is running out.”

    While I’m generally pretty happy inching towards big…I don’t want to speed up at all. Life moves too damned fast for me already.

    And I love what LaVonne said about comparing herself to people she doesn’t want to be like and coming up short. I do that too. Or at least I used to. 🙂

    Thank you for yet another awesome post.
    .-= Patty K´s last blog ..I survived a non-sucky networking event =-.

  17. Fabeku
    August 19, 2010 | 12:41 pm

    @Chris – Thanks. And totally welcome man.

    @Christine – First of all, RAWK! For going to the teaching training. And for singing. (And, really, just for being your usual fabulous self.)

    These are two absolutely perfect examples of exactly what I’m talking about. Things that are completely HUGE for us. Life-changing. Awesome. Scary.

    And, yeah, I think defining big as famous isn’t doing anyone any favors. Plus it feels like a really narrow definition. It feels like big should be big enough to hold way more than just famous.

    @Christine – Woot!

    @Sandra – I agree about the collective irritation. And it’s the …or go home part that I think sucks the hardest.

    I just read your post about fear. I really dig what you said about fear being tested at points of change. Right on.

    @LaVonne – Isn’t it weird how this stuff is like background noise? Not totally conscious but still impacting us in all kinds of ways.

    I think it’s totally normal to start feeling like a loser when you’re surrounded by this stuff all the time.

    Not the idea of going big. But the idea that you should be fitting someone else’s definition of what big means.

    I say eff that. (grin)

    @Starla – Totally welcome. (And p.s. I love your name.)

    @Liz – That courage-to-start really hits it, doesn’t it?

    Because for people who are stuck and struggling and hurting, showing up is gigantic. Even if it looks like no big thing to everyone else.

    And the part about how courage + compassion are connected? Right on.

    @Scott – I totally agree about the froth. And I think being really conscious of what we’re doing, why we’re doing it and whether we’ve got gorgeous or froth is so so important. (p.s. Your post about the flute music? Pure awesome.)

    @Kim – What you said about the frontiers is smart. It’s all so relative. And comparisons just suck here (and, really, they suck pretty much anwyhere). Your big is my small. And it’s all totally ok.

    @Patty – That time-is-running-out thing is another variation on the same kind of suck, isn’t it? Different shade. Same suck. It creates this pressure that may act as a catalyst for some people. But for other people? It’s crushing. And terrifying. And stuck-making. Blech.

  18. Sue
    August 19, 2010 | 1:05 pm

    Yup, I have tears running down my eyes too. Darn you and thank you. I guess there have been too many people in my life, from my mother who told me when I was 5 that I would never been good enough to be an artist, to my friend recently who told me trying to make a living as an artist was unrealistic. I know I’ve share these things with you. And Im glad I’ve gotten past the power of those criticisms.
    It’s the encouragement that you offer to anyone who is a fledgling (and aren’t we all, at one time or another) that is the beauty of your gift. Thank you for being here. And for loving humanity the way that you do.
    You rawk
    .-= Sue´s last blog ..Luminous Wisdom Mandala =-.

  19. chicsinger simone
    August 19, 2010 | 1:20 pm

    You so smart mister. Me likey!!!!
    .-= chicsinger simone´s last blog ..Summer 2010 =-.

  20. Bob Poole
    August 19, 2010 | 1:20 pm

    Thanks for reminding us how much our words of criticism can impact our fellow humans – even with the best of intentions. This is an exceptional post!
    .-= Bob Poole´s last blog ..Give Them One On The House =-.

  21. chris zydel
    August 19, 2010 | 1:24 pm

    Hey there my dear friend,

    Another fabulous, too the point, straight from the heart, no bullshit post. Which is one of the many reasons I totally adore you.

    Yes, that BIG, BIG, BIG, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, energy is something that has been making me cringe of late and is also making me want to go on a Big Strike!!! No more always about the BIG, which doesn’t mean no more movement or life or expansion or love.

    I think you’re right and we need to redefine big. That sitting on a piano bench for the first time in years or putting one stroke of color on a piece of paper or having the courage to say ” I think I might want this” is just as important and amazing as doing something that’s really obvious and “successful” out in the world.

    Thanks again, for all your awsomesauce wisdom (-:
    .-= chris zydel´s last blog ..My Superpower Is Making People Cry What’s Yours =-.

  22. Wulfie
    August 19, 2010 | 1:43 pm

    Awesome post. It is about time someone said this right out loud. Go you! Cause it’s the truth!

  23. Tammy Vitale
    August 19, 2010 | 2:00 pm

    oh! Bravo! Fits perfectly with my “success = feed your soul and maybe your bank account vs. feed your bank account and maybe your soul” blog today….have been greatly thinking on these things. You nailed it. Thank you!
    .-= Tammy Vitale´s last blog ..8 Paths to Wylde =-.

  24. Melody
    August 19, 2010 | 2:09 pm

    Love this!

    And I love that the “big” in “You have the right to define big for yourself.” was actually unbolded. Kind of as an added reminder that big doesn’t have to be fat to be juicy.

    “For me that happens when I’m pushing for something that I’m not totally into. There’s the part of me that feels like I should be into it. And there’s the part of me that’s totally not. So I just end up stuck and in a funk.”

    That last bit that you wrote in one of your reply comments could be a whole post in itself.

    For me, it’s not so much about getting big as it is about the process. Just taking that little step out of your comfort zone is huge. GINORMOUS even, no matter how big or small that step is.

    And that’s what it’s all about.

    Now someone needs to make a bumper sticker to remind all of us!
    .-= Melody´s last blog ..Getting Back Into Your Sexy – Very- Very- Extremely Hot Edition =-.

  25. Mars Dorian
    August 19, 2010 | 2:11 pm

    Hey Fabeku,

    interesting take on the topic. I luv pushing harder, because I hate the stage where nothing changes. I agree that experiencing epic things means different things to different people, but the whole idea about pushing is simply about making today better than yesterday.

    When my new month is as similar as my last month, I know I’m doing something wrong !
    Guess I’m not the balanced type 😉
    .-= Mars Dorian´s last blog ..The Power of Questions- How Asking Can Help You Rock Your Digital Life =-.

  26. Liz
    August 19, 2010 | 2:11 pm

    You hit it. So good. We are all moving at our own paces. And we all see big as different. As long as we keep moving forward…
    .-= Liz´s last blog ..Food Insecurity =-.

  27. Rosaland
    August 19, 2010 | 3:18 pm

    Fabeku,

    This is so wonderful and fabulous and big – in a small, intimate and profoundly personal way! Thanks so much for this validation. I most certainly needed to hear it.

    I am starting on a fiber arts and teaching career and I’m not quitting my job anytime soon; I have visions of the things I want to do and strategies (slow) for how I want to realize those.
    And I still want it to include playfulness and freedom and the ability to breathe before, during and after I arrive.

    Thank you for reminding me to listen to and trust myself and to stay out of the ‘comparison’ trap or to at least notice when I’m caught in it so I can step out, again.
    .-= Rosaland´s last blog ..Finally- the Metals part of the Mixed Media on Fabric =-.

  28. Amy Crook
    August 19, 2010 | 3:27 pm

    Oh, Fabeku, this is so perfectly what I needed to hear right now. I have very modest ambitions of being able to sell enough art to keep the lights on, the paints bought, and get the debts paid for good — I don’t want or need to do any of the sort of ass-kicking that so many of the bloggers (I find it’s especially the guys) seem to think is the only option.

    Go Modestly! 😉
    .-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Not Late for Anything =-.

  29. Pam/Moon'sLark
    August 19, 2010 | 3:37 pm

    Oh Thank YOU Thank YOU Thank YOU!!!
    Last week I just “gave up” — I looked at where I was in my life, where I was in my “career”, and what I was going towards and I spent an entire 4 hours crying as hard as I have ever cried in my life. To me, that night my dreams finally died and I was agrieved. I am STUCK and I realize it and I don’t know where to turn, but when you turn to resources that say “GO BIG OR GO HOME” and you can’t even figure out what you WANT when the voices all say “but you’ll never support yourself with THAT” and “be practical” and “you are a loser”…

    And yet, my dream isn’t quite dead… I just don’t have support and I don’t have a network yet, and I don’t know how I’ll get it done. But the only thing I have is the sense that there is SOMETHING I was meant to do, and its not doing what I do now… and that maybe there might be a way, maybe there will be an answer, maybe there is HOPE for me…
    Even if my dream isn’t GINORMOUS…
    Maybe there is still a place for me to have a dream and a place in the world.
    .-= Pam/Moon’sLark´s last blog ..Wishcasting Wednesday- Where do you wish to make a fresh start =-.

  30. Kellie
    August 19, 2010 | 4:07 pm

    Fabeku –

    I’m a first time visitor to your blog and am already a big fan based on this post. I find myself saying similar things (using different analogies) to my clients. Each person deserves to be dealt with as they are where they are – period. No good can come from comparing one person’s path with that of another.

    Thank you for giving voice to this and for being an advocate for the souls for whom the smallest step takes a lifetime of courage.

    Namaste’

  31. Elana
    August 19, 2010 | 5:01 pm

    You, The Great Fabeku, said…

    ” So it’s not that I’m against going big.
    I just think that acting like that’s the only option that matters is bullshit.”

    Ah – mothereffing – men to that brother!

    That’s why I keep doing my thing, bloggity blog here, steppity step there, skeptical yet curious glance at e-book here, staying true to myself and my path/journey/MeHood the whole way.

    Thank you for GETTING that – HUGELY!

    Fabeku! I love you!

  32. Faye
    August 19, 2010 | 5:05 pm

    I read this post at exactly the right time. It made me cry. You hit exactly what I was thinking about. This is the first time I’ve read your blog. Thank you for writing.

  33. Lisa MB
    August 19, 2010 | 5:16 pm

    Somewhere deep inside, I knew this. I spent 2 years listening to a whole slew of well-meaning coaches try to pushpushpush me when getting out of bed and answering the phone were big accomplishments for me.

    Being alive was indeed an act of courage.

    When I began to write, it was just for me.

    Every time I hit “publish” it was a step forward.

    And I began to regard the “little” steps as enough.

    Life has changed.

    I have more joy. New friends I could only imagine a few short months ago.

    And readers who feel I have made a difference.

    And now I actually call myself a writer.

    Today that feels GINORMOUS.

    Thank you, Fabeku, for acknowledging my journey and reminding us that we can indeed, define big for ourselves.

    Namaste.
    .-= Lisa MB´s last blog ..The Best Way I Can my 100th post! =-.

  34. Patty - Why Not Start Now?
    August 19, 2010 | 5:47 pm

    Hurrah, Fabeku! I’m new here but what a great first experience I’m having reading your wise words. BIG has been soooo overdone. And you know what? I think there are many people who haven’t had particularly painful or traumatic experiences who still struggle with the burden of big. They wear it like a coat that doesn’t fit right, because they think they must. For my clients who are in overwhelm because of the “big” message, I tell them that what will work far better is to start right where they are. Be themselves, and then put one foot on the path, and let it unfold.
    .-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays- The Smallest Things =-.

  35. Kara
    August 19, 2010 | 7:07 pm

    Oh my.

    I look out at the big wide internet world at the superstars in my field and just want to curl in a ball and go work a job. Which I would hate, but it feels like you have to be the best, and the biggest, or you have nothing and no one will want your thing. I don’t even WANT to rule the world, I’d just like to do the thing I love and make money at it!

    Thank you for this post. I’m gonna go take a baby step… like designing a business card that actually shows my body art on it.

  36. Tzaddi
    August 19, 2010 | 8:32 pm

    Thank you for this. It’s so easy to lose focus and get mired in the feelings of “should” or “not good enough” if you’re not careful. Wonderful to have reminders that it’s OK to be YOU on your terms.

    Pam Slim talked about some related keeping-up-with-the-“cool”-kids stuff and kept saying to ask yourself “how does it relate to my body of work”? I’m finding this question very grounding.

    Also regarding “leaping out” I wrote and drew something about “making space” instead. Having a pictorial reminder of my needs is inspiring and helping me to focus. (Art to the rescue!)
    .-= Tzaddi´s last blog ..Making Space =-.

  37. Kelly Parkinson
    August 19, 2010 | 9:28 pm

    Deep, deep, deep. This is where I decided to go. Not far, or fast. Just deep. While others are zooming around on their jet skis, jumping over waves and screaming with glee over every aerial stunt, I will be deep underwater, quietly discovering buried treasure.
    .-= Kelly Parkinson´s last blog ..Show’s over- Jem A resignation letter from Synergy =-.

  38. David Cohen
    August 19, 2010 | 10:08 pm

    Wonderful! Got me thinking about how many big things are only accomplished through lots of steadfast little moments, many of them quite stressful, sweaty and unglamorous and sometimes downright scary to boot. I was reading in Tony Hsieh’s book about when he and his friend were climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro and the closer they got to the summit, the more the altitude sickness was effecting them. Vomiting, headaches, difficulty breathing – pausing for three breaths before taking one tiny step, then 3 more breaths and another step – nothing glamorous about that, just a will to do tiny things even when there appeared to be no progress at all – and three breaths and another tiny step, and suddenly a mountain was climbed.
    .-= David Cohen´s last blog ..Endearing imperfections =-.

  39. Natalie Peluso
    August 20, 2010 | 12:09 am

    oh man you ROCK so hard it hurts.

    Big is totally about your perspective. Totally. Look at an ant lugging that crumb across the floor. Or the cars you peer down on from the window seat of a plane. And what you’re describing here is often “emotional big” which any woman who has had PMT will tell you gets really fucking big.
    Awesome is totally relative.

    And it’s really super important for us to define the stuff that is epic and awesome in our lives FOR US, and resist comparing ourselves to other definitions of awesome that are really not aligned with who we are or what makes us feel fulfilled *now*…

    As long as there are people like you who are out there celebrating the seemingly tiny but enormously important victories of hurt, stuck and wounded people, then I know that the world is ok.

    Huge appreciation for a brilliant post. xxx
    .-= Natalie Peluso´s last blog ..Return On Joy =-.

  40. Joely Black
    August 20, 2010 | 2:29 am

    Thank you so much for this.

    Two weeks ago, I got offered my first commission as a writer. Some people poopooed it because it was a small amount of money for a one-off review.

    But for me, it was the biggest thing that had ever happened to me. Somebody was going to publish my work, in a print magazine, and pay me for it.

    It beat my PhD by miles. It was HUGE. And it was tiny. Compared to many people I follow, it was about the smallest deal ever.

    But I’m terrified of being published. I’m terrified of people seeing that I’m good at anything. I’m terrified that I might not actually be any good at anything.

    So it’s massive, for me. It gets submitted today, and I’m still very pleased with it indeed.
    .-= Joely Black´s last blog ..Amnar Serial- 24 Nothing But Him =-.

  41. Jess C.
    August 20, 2010 | 9:07 am

    This is awesome. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Thank you a million times over…

    XO

  42. Tommy Walker
    August 20, 2010 | 9:28 am

    I was just writing an email about this last night to one of the people in my mastermind group. He was asking me how to get big quickly…

    I told him that I just don’t think that getting big quickly is sustainable.

    I have no idea why anyone would want to follow 10 bajillion people on twitter.

    That it’s not all about blowing up and being huge, but building a network of people that you can teach and that you can learn from. It seems more sustainable, and it seems like a better way to grow. If you blow up, how do you not burst at the seams a little?

    Great post, glad to meet you, and I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
    .-= Tommy Walker´s last blog ..How to- Improve your web presence optimizing your website for Google =-.

  43. mynde
    August 20, 2010 | 11:44 am

    hitting home. helping shatter one of those stories of mine, so i can be my truth behind it. thank you!
    .-= mynde´s last blog ..Hearts- Life &amp Another John Mayer Song =-.

  44. Jennifer Schildknecht
    August 22, 2010 | 5:05 pm

    Oh Fab!
    Just got around to reading this one, but thank you!
    THANK YOU for giving us all permission to just BE sometimes, reminding us that we’re OK….just like we are…OURSELVES.
    .-= Jennifer Schildknecht´s last blog ..Sending Love on Gilded Wings =-.

  45. Fabeku
    August 24, 2010 | 2:53 pm

    Dude. I love that this post struck such a big chord with all of you. So so cool.

    @Sue – I’m sorry about all the suck other people have pointed your way. It’s amazing – and heartbreaking – how deep this stuff can go. But I’m seriously happy to hear that you’re moving through the ack and getting your gorgeousness out into the world.

    @Simone – Thanks you!

    @Bob – Thanks for making a really solid point. I think a lot of the time – most of the time – trying to motivate someone to take the leap or go big is done with the best intentions.

    But sometimes that gets messy. Because it creates pressure that presses all of the ouch-ey bits, which adds to the ack and makes even taking a baby step that much harder.

    I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately with my clients. How it’s so important to be clear about what’s big for them, to support them 100% in that and to really get how it’s all relative. And all totally ok.

    @Chris – Right on. I totally agree. I especially dig what you said about even getting to the place where someone can admin that they want something. HUGE. Even if getting to that place would basically be invisible to anyone watching.

    @Wulfie – Thanks muches!

    @Tammy – Off to take a peek at your post!

    @Melody – I was thinking the same thing about that nugget that snuck into the comments. I’ve been teasing out some ideas plugged into that point.

    And I love the idea of a bumper sticker. I also kind of want to scribble this all up and down my arms and across my knuckles, tattoo style.

    @Mars – I’m with you 100% on making today better than yesterday. And I’m all for pushing if pushing is what works for you.

    I just like to leave room so that people know they don’t have to push the same way other people push. And that that’s totally ok.

    p.s. I think balance can be pretty overrated.

    @Liz – Seeing big differently. Right on. That’s totally what this is about.

    @Rosaland – I love that you’re so clear about what you want to do and how you want to do it. That’s the awesome!

    You know where you want to go. You have a clear plan to get there. And, even more delicious, you know how you want this to happen. Which rocks!

    When the how-I-want-it-to-happen part gets fuzzy it’s so easy to feel like we have to do it the way someone else thinks we should do it.

    So go you for being brilliantly clear!

    @Amy – More clarity! Sweet! And the pushpushpush thing does have kind of a macho vibe to it, doesn’t it? It feels that way to me regardless of who’s serving it up.

    And the thinking-it’s-the-only-option part is where things go kind of ass up to me. Because it’s totally not true.

    @Pam – I’m so sorry for all the hard. Stuck is hard enough. But stuck + go big or go home is just brutal.

    And can I just say that I absolutely believe there’s a place for you to have this dream? Just the fact that you see it’s not dead is awesome. And powerful. And important.

    @Kellie – Each person deserves to be dealt with as they are where they are – period.

    Yes! 100% yes!

    And I’m with you on how much the comparison thing sucks. I see it happen all the time. And I see how much ouch it causes. Pretty much every single time.

    @Elana – The staying-true-to-you vibe shines out of every nook and cranny of everything you do. Which is just another reason why you rock.

    @Faye – Thanks you. I’m glad it landed at just the right time. Thanks for saying so.

    @Lisa – That is GINORMOUS. And I love hearing how the steps kept building, nudging you closer and closer to pure gorgeousness. Yay!

    @Patty – I think you’re right about how the big thing can be a heavy sack of ack for anyone. Whenever we try to make something fit that doesn’t fit, it just sucks. And it’s hard. And, really, the chances of it ending well are pretty slim. I’m all about tossing the shoulds.

    @Kara – That’s another really good reason why I think this push to go big just sucks. It leaves so many people feeling like why bother?

    Which is tragic. Because I think world needs every flavor of awesome imaginable.

    And speaking of awesome? I looked at your site. And my first thought was, Dear gawd, I wish she lived somewhere even a little close to me. Because she rocks!

    And booyah! for business cards that show your awesome!

    @Tzaddi – Pam’s question is the smartness! Because, seriously, how easy is it to lose who you are when you start chasing the cool? Oy.

    And I lovelovelove your Making Space art + post in a thousand different ways. And I love how you talked about different kinds of space.

    @Kelly – I got goosebumps when I read what you wrote. And I’ll just say yes. Because I don’t want to pile a ton of words on top of that kind of perfect.

    @David – That’s a great example! Because how many projects involve baby steps, puking and pauses? A lot. (At least in my world.) And then… *boom*. You’re at the top of the mountain.

    @Natalie – Great examples! They totally show how relative perspective is. And right on to chucking definitions of awesome that don’t fit who we are.

    @Joely – First off, congratulations you! I am so stoked for you. For the offer! And for accepting it!

    And this exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about here. There is so much HUGE in this for you. And, really, I just kind of want to happy dance reading about it.

    @Jess – Totally welcome x 1000.

    @Tommy – You make a good point about getting big. There has to be some way to sustain the bigness. Or else things can get messy.

    Look at people who win the lottery or people who become superstars overnight. For so many of them, the foundation isn’t there and it all implodes or explodes or both.

    Thanks for the smartness.

    @Mynde – Big welcomes. I love it when unhelpful stories go buhbye.

    @Jennifer – Sure thing. As far as reminder-ey bits go, this one feels pretty important to me.

    Thanks to everyone for the faboo discussion, abundant awesomeness and delicious smartnesses. Totally appreciated!

  46. Lance
    September 2, 2010 | 9:24 pm

    I love this message!

    There are LOTS of messages out there, with the message of big leaps toward your dreams…

    …except…sometimes we’re just not ready for those big leaps. And baby steps can feel like big leaps. And just the mention of a thought floating around in the heart…can feel so monumental (…and then, to leap beyond that??).

    So, this resonates very much. On this journey we are each on…that’s a journey that is very much a personal and unique journey for each of us…and that’s very okay…
    .-= Lance´s last blog ..You’re Beautiful!…Yes- YOU! =-.

  47. Fabeku
    October 28, 2010 | 6:31 pm

    @Lance – Glad you dug it. Thanks for saying so. And I think you’re totally right on here. Big is such a relative thing. And we never really know what’s big for someone else.

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